Solo But Not Alone

Solo but not alone.
I have been doing things solo these days.  Eating, traveling, deciding, etc..  It has been very enlightening about myself and others.
Dining out solo makes other people a bit uncomfortable and curious, but that is not my worry.  I am quite comfortable dining with my own company.  If you need to stare or make comment to your companion, that is your business.
Dining solo let's you concentrate on the food and the experience and service more.  I find myself making more eye contact and giving more appreciation for the service I receive and noticing the atmosphere and flavors in a different manner.
Dining solo, I find I get better service.  Servers are more attentive.  The other day I had 3 checking on me.
Traveling solo is a time to reflect and plan and have those self-to-self heart-to-heart talks.  I do some of my best self-therapy in a car by myself.
Traveling solo I find I am not as directionally challenged as I seem to be when depending on others, I found my way just fine and I kept up with my room number and key the whole time.  When traveling with others, I depended on them for directions and to keep up with my stuff.  I could never keep up with a key and would get lost in a straight hallway.
Traveling solo I got to choose where I went, when to go and what to do.  I tried new places to eat, ate new dishes and kept to my own schedule.  I made friends where ever I went and learned things.
Deciding solo, it did not take me 20 minutes of discussion to make a plan and implement it into action.  Just Do It!
Deciding solo, I did not feel pressured to do something I might not want to do because the rest of the crowd wanted to do it.  I just did my thing.  The things I wanted to do to make me happy.
Deciding solo was very conducive to last-minute action.
I never felt alone.  I went out and mingled when I wanted companionship and I stayed in when I needed me time.  I phoned a friend when I wanted a dinner date and I went solo when there were none.  I realized I  was adulting when I kept up with my hotel key and found my way everywhere I went.  I also realized I had depended on other's too much and that made me think I was incapable of doing some of these things on my own.  I am quite capable and so are you. DO YOUR THING!
Solo but not alone.

I am not going to lie, I wanted a DRINK!
Yesterday I had some obstacles and challenges and the day/evening did not go as planned or very well at that.  By 9:30pm all I wanted was to go somewhere and chill and have a cocktail.  Really BAD.  One wouldn't hurt, right?  It's not like I quit on purpose, what's the big deal?  All this going on in my head while I am packing up my trivia stuff and loading the car.
No, I did not wake up one day and say, "hey I think I will quit drinking" and then just quit.  I was eventually going to do it for dietary reasons anyway but one day I could not drink because I was a hired driver and then after that, I just didn't want it anymore.  I can not remember a time I didn't want to drink. Most evenings I had a cocktail with dinner or a beer because is was cold and there and my social life revolved around drinking and dining.  I really haven't wanted or been tempted to drink.
Alcohol was my stress relief, normally if I had a stressful day I would have a cocktail.  I would go somewhere and have someone wait on me, bring me good food and adult beverages, that was my go-to get-away.  Alcohol is how we celebrate, we celebrated a lot.  It was normal to find me at a bar after a trivia gig, winding down with conversation, cocktails and an appetizer.  Grilling out, yes, we need a beer to be able to light the grill. 
Anyway, I did not have that DRINK.  I talked myself out of it. 
I did however indulge in junk food, which I wish I would have talked myself out of as well.  BUT I will not beat myself up over it.  It is the first real JUNK I have had since the 2nd week in January and I hope it will be a while before I have any more.
When I got home I reached out to a friend just to chat.  Chat about nothing, chat about everything but just to chat.  I realized had I done that about 30 minutes earlier I probably wouldn't have had all the internal dialogue or the junk food.  Talking to a friend helped.  Cheered me up, made me realize life is good over all and I am making good decisions.  You know, Bill might have been on to something.  Friends of Bill will get that reference. 
I am sharing this because I want to acknowledge that sometimes it's hard and I beat it this time.  I want to share this in case someone else is struggling with something and feels alone, you are not. I am sharing this because one day I may need to come back and read this.  I am sharing this because life happens and you are in charge of you.
If you need a friend...