We Are That Age

I have lost both of my parents, all of my grandparents and some of my aunts, uncles and cousins.  We are at the age where if we still have any of them living, most likely we are their caretakers.  This is the part of 40-something that sucks.  The rest of the 40's is very cool, or it can be.
We all know someone taking care of their elders, please reach out to them, even if it is just a mundane chat about the weather, they need the interaction.  If you are in need of some understanding and support for what you are going through, reach out, odds are someone you know has been there and done that and has the tear-stained t-shirt to prove it.  We should be here for each other more in this chapter of our lives than any other we have written.  I am here for you, I have been right where you are now, I get it.
Take time for yourself, it is a must, not a choice.  If you do not take care of you, you are no good to those you are caring for.  Call a friend go have dinner, talk about the old days or your dreams for your future or what color you want to paint your nails if you ever get to the manicurist, it doesn't matter, the interaction is what our soul craves.  We need to know there are other people out there going through similar experiences and I assure you, there are plenty of them.
As our 30th class reunion approaches this summer I think of all the connections and friendships we could rekindle and the support system we could build just by showing up with an open-heart and kind word.  We are fortunate to have a yearly class reunion so that we can keep in touch more often and just this last year I reconnected with some amazing old/new friends and we have been there for each other through some life-struggles.  Divide your sorrows and Double your joys.
Death, Divorce, Disease, Depression we are all struggling with at least one of the Big D's at this time in our lives and the more support we have the less we struggle with our own inner demons.  Phone a friend, make amends, go to the gatherings, hug a little longer, be yourself, be supportive and supported.
We are that age, what we do with it is up to us.

Suicide Awareness Season

September was Suicide Awareness Month. Coming into the Holidays we need to make sure we are reaching out.

If you need help, reach out. No judgement.

If you do not, please reach out to your friends, family, strangers in your path and show them kindness and compassion.

The days are getting shorter, the sun is more limited, the temperatures are dropping, all of this affects our mental and emotional health. Be the sunshine in their life.

There will be some who will not find work and cannot afford their heating bill or coats for their family much less the extra expense of the holidays. Help them out. If not monetary, give them the warmth of friendship. Help them find the help they need. Coats for Kids, Food Banks, Churches, etc..

If someone pops into your thoughts, CALL them. If you have a dream about someone, CONTACT them, if you see something or hear something that reminds you of someone, let them know they were in your heart at that moment and it made you smile.

Write them a note and snail mail it to them. Who doesn't love a little dose of positive in the mailbox from time to time. It shows you cared enough to stop and write them a note in your own hand-writing and mail it.

While you are cooking or baking, make extra, share. If you are hand-crafting something, make extra and share.

You may never know who is suffering, most mask it very well, so try to make a conscious effort to BE KIND - BE COMPASSIONATE.

If it is you, please know we are here for you and there are resources for just about anything you may need to get you to your next breath. Even if you do not know what you need, let's figure it out together.

YOU ARE LOVED-YOU ARE NEEDED-YOU ARE NOT DONE-YOU HAVE A PURPOSE TO FULFILL

I Love You!

Children are Children

I had this thought randomly this morning, which means I think I should share it because things aren't really as random as we think.

I attended a fairly large church in my hometown with a strong youth presence. We were always doing something as a group most days of the week and often went to camps and retreats.

One of the retreats the church put on for us we were allowed to watch the movie Psycho. I have never seen the whole movie, even today, I don't care for that genre. About a week later, if that long, there was a rumor about a girl who's parents had pulled their whole family out of the church because chaperones allowed us to view a bad movie. It was the family's right to do just that. But here is what happened that should not have, the girl and her family were talked about, considered weird, her parents, mean. This is a small town, so it wasn't just in the church that she was teased, ignored or looked down upon, it was school, other organizations she was a part of, it was in the grocery store and so on. Was it Christian, no, was it right, no, was it childish, yes, was it a normal reaction, unfortunately.

I am not a parent, by choice, so I can not give parental advice. However, I am human and I can give human musings.

TEACH your children that children are children. They are not their parents, they are not the clothes they wear or the movies they are allowed or not allowed to watch. They are not the cash or free-lunch line they get into at school. They are not the disability they may have or the vehicle in which they arrive. They are not the friends they hang around or the grades they make. All of these things and so much more will make up who the child becomes on a daily basis, but that child is not finished growing until they are gone. Teach your children to be accepting of other's differences. Be curious about the things they do not know about other people, research and learn. Show kindness when someone is having a bad day or life. Show love when confronted with hate. Even as adults we have to work on all of the above. As we are working on it, let's be the example.

Raise compassionate humans with a backbone. It is a fine line but as humans, we are all capable of doing more than we could ever imagine.

Eat the CAKE!

Why can we not have our cake and eat it too? What's the purpose of having a cake if you can't eat it?

Why can't we enjoy the sunshine without experiencing rain? Isn't sunshine wonderful on it's own, without being compared to something else? And why does rain get such a bad wrap?

Every rose has it's thorns, yes, it is to protect them in their natural habitat from predators. If you leave them in their bush and stop to smell them, the thorns won't hurt you and have done their job of protecting the rose.

Can you not grow without pain?

Can you not love without heartbreak?

Is it really too good to be true or are we just conditioned to believe that nothing that good could come to us?

Can't we be strong without nearly being killed?

I think it is time the old wives take a rest and we learn some new tales.

Eat cake, bask in the sun, dance in the rain, stop and smell the roses, take pictures but leave them be, find growth opportunities in baby steps but take the steps, love with all your heart, it really doesn't break and the cracks can be beautiful, you are goodness and deserve goodness, expect goodness and it will come to you, when it does, embrace it. Strengthen your core, body, mind and soul, that is your armor.

I love you and I know you have the capability to be anything you so chose to be. Go be that! I got your back!

What If You Could Do What Your Inner 5-Year Old Wanted To Do?

What if we did not press children to find a career path and stick to it?  What if we asked them what they wanted to be now, instead of what they wanted to be when they grow up?  What if we exposed them to as much potential and possibilities as we could get our hands on as early and often as we could?  What if we had "Experience Day" instead of "Career Day"? What if they showed a favor for a sport and were allowed to play that sport for enjoyment?  What if they had an aptitude for numbers and encouraged to run with it in any direction they discovered?  What if we allowed children to be children and see what progresses from their heart, mind and soul as each day passes?
What happens when a child does not have a career path chosen by the time they hit high school?  What happens when a child does not start at an elite school at the age of 3?  What happens when they don't go to college preparatory classes starting in Junior High?  What happens when a child doesn't get into the college of choice?  What happens when they don't get that "dream" job right out of college?  What happens if the do get that "dream" job?  What if we allowed them to find their way, in their own way along the path, encouraging them to move forward and helping them along when asked?
What happens to a child's soul when it is not put in a box but allowed to wander about and see what is outside that box?
What happens to a child's mind if it is allowed to expand beyond what we already know?
What happens to a child's heart when it is allowed to be broken, loved and free to love?
What happens indeed.
What did you want to be when you were 3, 8, 15, 21, 26, 32, 47?
It is not too late to find your passion and pursue it as a hobby or a career.
Embrace your inner child and find yourself and change your world.
You just might change others.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" Mahatma Gandhi

Did You Know You CAN Improve With Age?

Did you know you can Improve with Age?

Absolutely true. Just look at me, I am way better off physically, mentally, spiritually and financially than I was 10 years ago. I kick more but in a day at 47 than I did at 37. I have friends in their 60's that still run circles around me and I am pretty darn active. My boss is in his late 80's and still very productive and active in his business, social involvement and personal life.

You don't have to fall apart at any age. I know 20-somethings that have more complaints, aches and pains than my boss. I know 40 year old people that will be paying off student loans until they are past retirement age.

IT IS A NUMBER not a Sentence. You can get better with age!

Here is some FREE advice and if you decide to take it and can do that for 33 days, then call me and I will consult with you on what individual steps you could take to make your quality of life better. I have colleagues that specialize in different areas and we are all here to help you Improve with Age.

Free Advice:

*Drink More Water (start with warm lemon water first thing in the am)

*Get 6-8 Hours of Uninterrupted Sleep (make your bedroom your sanctuary from electronics and such)

*Move (walk your dog, do yoga, lift 2 water bottles like weights, stretch, volunteer, chase a kid)

*Eat More REAL FOOD (work something new from the produce aisle or farmer's market, visit an old fav)

*Be still for a few moments a day (still your mind, body and soul, empty it out and let it Be)

If you can do those 5 things for 33 days straight (add them in slowly if you need to) and you want more information, contact me. You have shown your commitment to yourself and an interest in your self-care, we can work with that.

Let's Kick Butt Together!

Jen Cook Happiness Coach

www.jencookhappinesscoach.com

https://www.facebook.com/JenCookHappinessCoach/

@JenCookisHappy

Did You Lose Your Big Girl Panties Or What?

My mother was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was still in high school.  I didn't believe in depression, clinical or any other kind, I thought everyone should just pull up their BGP and get over it.  I saw it as a weakness, giving up, laziness even.  That was my story for years on the subject of depression.  I didn't get, I didn't understand it, I didn't want to understand it.  

I saw my mother suffer, I went with her to see counselors, psychologist, psychiatrist, medical doctors, you name it.  I even sat in on a session here and there at her request.  I still just wanted to scream at her to get over it and move on and no way did I want to see a "head shrink" myself, they would retire immediately after the first session I would joke.

My mom passed away and I dealt with it in my own way, or so I thought.  We celebrated her life and I was relieved that she finally was whole again and could do all the things her brain told her she could do and her body denied her.  It was a good thing considering her circumstances.  She had been in bad health for over 20-years and slowly deteriorating to the point of her frustration and mine.  

Then that thing happens, the one thing that will unexpectedly bring you to your knees. You have a reaction to something that seems to be way out of proportion for the situation at hand.  It might be something that does not affect you directly and all of a sudden you have made it all about you.  That thing.  Mine was some high school friends who I witness meet, date, marry and have babies.  I helped host their wedding and baby shower for their first born.  We were in it together.  That baby was now in college with an aspiring baseball career ahead of him and 2 younger brothers that adored him.  He was killed in a car wreck a few miles from home. That was my trigger for my downward spiral of grief and depression.  I still didn't believe in depression. You don't have to, it is not a requirement for it to move in and take over.  I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to hold conversations with others, I wanted to keep to the bare necessities of my daily routine which would allow me to just survive.  I knew in my head this was not "normal", it was out of character and I needed to "snap out of it".  I could rationalize all that in my head but could not grab the rope and climb up and out of it.  I hated myself for being so weak, which made it even worse.  I struggled and then I would just let it loose to run a muck, then I would try to rationalize it away.  It didn't last very long and I am not sure what the trigger was that made it pass but it did pass and I was ok one day.  I had a great support system and only one or two of them knew what was really wrong.  Heck, I didn't even know what was really wrong at the time.  That was my first bout with depression.  OR SO I THOUGHT.

Many moons and years later I was contemplating how it is that so many of my friends are fighting depression and here I am a Happiness Coach.  Then I started wondering if it was because they could not relate to me. Happiness Coach Jen Cook could not possibly know what it is to have depression.  She is always happy and sees the sunny-side of things.  Then I went back to "my story of depression" which was the story of being a child of someone clinically depressed. That had been my story for so long that was my default. Well that helps only those who have had parents with depression, it does not help those that are suffering it themselves.  I realized I had a story of my own to tell.  

TON OF BRICKS hit me all of a sudden when I realized that was not my first time to be depressed and was not my only personal story to tell.  When I got divorced I became a hermit for a while and barely functioned at work and not at all at home.  I had put sheets over all my windows looking out and never did the dishes or cleaned house.  I would go Friday and rent movies and run by the store and get food and I would not leave my house until I had to be at work on Monday.  I am not even sure I bathed.  I wouldn't answer the phone, I would just watch movies, stuff my face and sleep.  During the week I would come home and watch tv or read until I fell asleep.  My mother, of all people, intervened.  She came in like a taz mania devil and took over my house and me and was brutally honest about my living conditions and my health.  My weight was at the highest it had been ever at that time.  I was living in a dungeon and there were probably things growing in my sink.

Anyone that knows me, knows I AM NOT THAT PERSON.

I am social to a fault, I make my bed, clean-up after myself and you if you don't do it fast enough, I love going out and watching one movie at a time is enough for me before I get antsy.  I love meeting new people and catching up with the ones in my life forever or 5-seconds.  

All that to say, I believe in depression, I believe in you, I have been down that road and I am here for you anytime you need me.  

Please get help.  Get help for you, you are different from me, you are different from anyone else, make sure you get help that is customized to your needs, not a cookie-cutter, one-size fits-all solution.

I LOVE YOU

HCG to the Rescue again!

On Sept. 29th I weighed 184! I made a decision that I wanted to go back to my maintenance weight of 153. October 2nd I started eating correctly and increased my water intake and lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. October 15th I started the HCG drops and by November 4th I had dropped another 9 pounds. November 25th was the last day of drops and I weighed 158. The next 3 weeks is maintenance phase 1 and I dropped 2 more pounds even though you are suppose to maintain the last drops weight. (as long as it wasn't more then 2 nothing to worry about) Maintenance phase 2 for 3 more weeks and during that phase I saw Dr. J. Christopher Hubert at Advanced Remedy Center about a Wellness Program. I didn't really need to lose any more weight but I wanted to make sure I was at my optimum health, I mean I put on over 30 pounds in 3 months, I needed to make sure that wasn't a sign of something more serious. I fluctuated around 152-155 around Christmas trying to be as good as possible and still be able to eat at all those family/friends gatherings. I am at 149 this morning! If you can commit to 40 days of hard core, 15 days of harder core and 15 days of getting back to a new normal, the HCG works.

The drops I used are not like the ones I did back 6 years ago, but they were still effective. If I had to do it all over again I would go with the shots and Dr. Hubert's Program. I lost over 70 pounds over 6 years ago on HCG and managed to keep most of it off until this summer. (too much beer and eating out) I plan on keep this 35 pounds off for at least another 6 years.

I did not exercise while doing the HCG, but I am pretty active w/o the actual exercising. I start ILoveKickboxing - Tyler, Tx next week and will go back to 360 Fitness soon, got to firm it all up.

Tried on jeans last weekend and an 8 was too big, I don't remember EVER wearing a size 6 anything.

The last 2 weeks I have had the congestion crud, the last 2 days I have felt much better, have energy and sleeping like a baby.

I share this with you to let you know, where there is a will there is a way. This is not for everyone, but it certainly worked for me and some of my friends.